Reality.

The businessman and writer Max De Pree wrote:

'The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.  The last is to say thank you.'

On the first day of the Cuban Missile Crisis in October 1962, President Kennedy met with his advisers.  He listened to them outline the evidence that the Cubans, assisted by the Soviet Union, were installing nuclear missiles.  Once he had heard the intelligence summary and some analysis, he said:

‘What you’re really talking about are two or three different potential operations.’  

He summarises what he has heard from them.  There is some discussion. He then says:

‘Well, now, let’s decide what we ought to be doing.’

President Kennedy defined reality.

Thirteen days later, having looked into the abyss of nuclear annihilation and stared down the Cubans and Soviets who dismantled their missiles, President Kennedy closed the last meeting of his team of advisers.  Immediately after they left the Oval Office he telephoned an assistant and said:

‘Dick, I want to get a President’s commemorative for the Executive Committee of the National Security Council who’ve been involved in this matter’.

The President said Thank You.

Donuts

I always ask for written feedback after a presentation. 

'Give the presentation a mark out of 10. 

If you didn't think that it was worth a 10, please tell me what I needed to have done differently for you to have given it a 10.' 

Feedback from 25 Squadron members after my Military Law presentation to them at RAAF Base Pearce yesterday. 

Athwart.

During one of the meetings in the White House to discuss the US response to the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, Robert Kennedy, Attorney-General and brother of President John Kennedy referred to a memo that had been prepared by Under Secretary of State George Ball.  

The memo argued against a surprise strike against Cuba.  It said that to do so would be to behave ‘in a manner totally contrary to our traditions, by pursuing a course of action that would cut directly athwart anything we have stood for during our national history, and condemn us as hypocrites in the opinion of the world.’

Robert Kennedy said ’I think George Ball has a hell of a good point….I think it’s the whole question of…what kind of country we are.’

Every decision that we make is a statement to the world - louder, more honest and memorable than words - about who we really are. 

Questions.

‘The Kennedy Tapes - Inside the White House During the Cuban Missile Crisis' is a verbatim account of all meetings that President Kennedy had with his advisers in mid-October 1962 in response to the Soviet Union installing nuclear missiles in Cuba - thus threatening the world with nuclear war.

Kennedy’s first meeting is a lesson in good decision-making.

He called together 12 advisers.

His advisers spoke 285 times.

The President spoke 66 times - mostly no longer than a sentence.

The first 11 times he spoke he asked questions and listened to the answers.  

The first non-question from him was ‘Thank you’.

He then asked 21 more questions - a total of 32 questions - before making a statement.

His first statement to the meeting was a summary of the information that had been given to him.

He then asked six more questions and listened to each answer.

His 40th statement was ‘Well now, let’s decide what we ought to be doing’.

His asked nine more questions.

He made four asides.

His 54th statement was to ask that the meeting reconvene later in the evening. 

He made three more statements.

He followed these with six questions.

Then two statements, a question, two statements, four more questions, one statement.

He ended with a question.

President Kennedy, the most powerful man in the world, facing a decision that could result in nuclear armageddon, asked four times as many questions as he made statements.

The only decision that he made was that they should have another meeting.

Leader

A good decision is one that advances you towards where you want to be.

If you turn around and someone is following you…

Hello Leader!

But

During a recent workshop I was explaining about a simple tip that my friend Liz used to remind me about that can help avoid or defuse conflict. Simply using the word 'And' instead of 'But'. It can make a huge difference to how another person hears what you say to them. 

'For example,' I explained,  'You will try to give helpful feedback to someone by saying something like 'I really think that you did an excellent job, but you need to try to finish on time'.  Yet the other person will most likely only hear everything after the 'But' and the compliment will be lost on them.

'Now hear how differently this sounds: 'I really think that you did an excellent job and you should also try to finish on time.'

'And' not 'But'.

I scanned the audience to check their understanding and everyone was nodding and smiling. Except for one very attentive elderly woman. Her face was blank and she looked confused.  So I repeated my explanation, finishing with 'So remember, it's 'And' not 'But''. She still looked worried. So I repeated it again, this time looking directly at her. 'You should try not to use the word 'But', and use 'And' instead. Her face suddenly relaxed and she nodded.

'Oh,' the very prim and proper woman said. 'You're saying 'And' not 'But'. 

'I thought that you were saying 'Hand on Butt'.

Personal

I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two men sitting just outside my peripheral vision. We were all waiting for a delayed flight departure. One was telling the other how he had asked Human Resources for leave to help his family relocate interstate where he had been posted. HR had refused, saying that it was outside their budget.

"You've seen their financial state," I heard him say to his colleague. "I've just ignored their hypocrisy in the past. But this is personal now. I shall get even. Or better-than-even. I'll just bide my time. "

I wondered how much their company had saved by denying the executive leave to help his family manage the disruption to their lives that the company had caused.  I knew as he did that the cost would never appear on any spreadsheet. There literally would be no accounting for it. There would be no information to allow the HR Department decision maker to connect their decision with its consequences on the company's bottom line. There would be no learning.

I sensed both men rise from their seats so I looked over towards them. I wanted to I see if I could tell from their appearance what their business may be, and thus how the disgruntled one could extract his revenge. 

They walked out of the café, both putting on their airline pilot caps as they went. 

Learning

John Worsfold, the former coach of the West Coast Eagles AFL team said recently: 

"We want to learn about each other in every game we play." 

What a refreshing insight. It suggests that the people who we work with aren't just a means to an end. They aren't just 'team members' who contribute to some work goal. 

They are our our teachers. 

They teach us about ourselves. 

If we play to learn.

Confidence

"He is sufficiently confident of his own abilities that he can tolerate other people with a different point of view."

- Senator Arthur Sinodinos on Prime Minister Tony Abbott

Declaration

Good decision making is choice making.

A decision is a declaration.

‘Here I am.’

‘Here’s who I am.’

‘Here’s where I’m going.’

The moment we make that decision - our declaration - we raise our heads above the parapet of our sheltering trench of anonymity.

And wait for the sound of response.

Of the crack-whizz of the incoming sniper rounds.

Or of applause.

Or worst of all - Silence.

Solitude

Emerson wrote ‘he who would inspire and lead his race must be defended from travelling with the souls of other men, from living, breathing, reading, and writing in the daily, time-worn yoke of their opinions.’

One of the burdens of leadership is the weight of others’ voices.  Opinions, statements, requests, demands, complaints, criticisms - demanding the leader’s attention.

A leader listens to others’ voices.  Reflects on them.  Measures them against reality.  Keeps her emotions in check.   

She focusses on the voices of others.

Until she decides what to do.

Only then does the leader find her voice in the solitude of her decision.  

A statement about who she is, or at least, who she wants to become.

Then perhaps the terror of looking behind to see if anyone is following.

Teacher

Flight Sergeant Tanya Fraser, CSM, represents the hundreds of cadets, sailors, soldiers, airmen and officers whose professionalism, kindness and patience have taught me and others about the privilege of leadership during my 30+ years of involvement in military organisations.

The great advantage of military service is that unless you're an airman recruit about to get off the bus on the first day of Rookies, you're almost always in charge of someone. A Corporal points an open palm at a bewildered and pimply recruit and barks 'You! Yes, YOU! Get these people into three orderly ranks. NOW!' Instant leadership practice with compliant followers and immediate 'feedback' yelled in response to every mistake.

(It's not really Leadership of course, any more than a police officer's charisma leads you to breathe into her breathalyser. But it's Leadership with its L Plates on.)

In the military, your teachers call you 'Sir'. The really good ones patiently and generously allow you to 'lead' them, when really they are shaping and educating you. Luckily for me I have been taught by some of the best.