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BernardHill

Perth
Western Australia
0416 295 691
Consultant.

BernardHill

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But

September 11, 2013 Bernard Hill
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During a recent workshop I was explaining about a simple tip that my friend Liz used to remind me about that can help avoid or defuse conflict. Simply using the word 'And' instead of 'But'. It can make a huge difference to how another person hears what you say to them. 

'For example,' I explained,  'You will try to give helpful feedback to someone by saying something like 'I really think that you did an excellent job, but you need to try to finish on time'.  Yet the other person will most likely only hear everything after the 'But' and the compliment will be lost on them.

'Now hear how differently this sounds: 'I really think that you did an excellent job and you should also try to finish on time.'

'And' not 'But'.

I scanned the audience to check their understanding and everyone was nodding and smiling. Except for one very attentive elderly woman. Her face was blank and she looked confused.  So I repeated my explanation, finishing with 'So remember, it's 'And' not 'But''. She still looked worried. So I repeated it again, this time looking directly at her. 'You should try not to use the word 'But', and use 'And' instead. Her face suddenly relaxed and she nodded.

'Oh,' the very prim and proper woman said. 'You're saying 'And' not 'But'. 

'I thought that you were saying 'Hand on Butt'.

 

In Conflict, Listening, Teaching
← LeaderPersonal →

'Making good decisions is a crucial skill at every level. It needs to be taught explicitly to everyone in organizations that are based on knowledge.' Peter Drucker.

Contact me to help you equip your organisation with the crucial skill of good decision making.

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Bernard Hill

Full time husband and father of two girls.     Part time Consultant, Legal Counsel, Facilitator, Workshop Presenter.                       Occasional Air Force Squadron Leader.              A conversation with a 12 year old girl remains my best lesson in Leadership.

30 years of assisting military commanders, judges, entrepreneurs, an abbot, bishops, vice-chancellors and chief executives to make decisions, and making lots of my own, have taught me the principles of making good ones.

I want to share with you what I know.

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Email: bernard@bernardhill.com  


'The way I work is not the way that you work. What I have to offer is me, what you have to offer is you, and if you offer yourself with authenticity and generosity - I will be moved.'

- Charlie Kaufman


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Bespoke Workshops Including:

  • Duty of Care

  • Good Decision Making

  • Leadership in Education

  • Policy Makeover

  • Complaints Management

Tailored to suit your organisation.


"The Good Decision Making Workshop               was one of the most impressive professional development sessions I've attended.  

I highly recommend it to all leaders, managers and their teams."

- Professor Tony Travaglione PhD                            Pro Vice-Chancellor                                              Curtin Business School


 
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