Parcel of Pain.
We’re all participants in a game of Pass the Parcel.
Moving parcels of problems and trauma and anger and fear and brokenness from person to organisation to government to friend to stranger to spouse to our children.
Every now and then the music stops.
Whoever is randomly holding our parcel of pain -
We blame.
No Idea When it Would End.
‘We fought at first light, high noon, evening, dusk. It was a relentless ritual. And we had no idea when it would end.’ - Geoffrey Wellum. Spitfire pilot. Battle of Britain.
When we review and asses conduct and decision making that made up any event - from sweeping history, to our reaction to a stimulus - we must factor in not knowing when it would end.
The Five Steps to Good Decision Making has an end.
The Great Unhappiness.
It’s the looming possibility of a great unhappiness that leads us to suffer thousands of small unhappinesses whose sum quickly exceeds any future pain.
Meanwhile, we eagerly seek and indulge in an immediate and fleeting happiness, indifferent to the thousands of future small unhappinesses lining up to define our life.
No Enduring Lessons.
There are no constructive and enduring lessons from the random blows life lands upon our heads.
Or from our self-inflicted harm.
There are no lessons from the drug affected driver smashing into our car while we’re distracted with texting.
These begin when we open our eyes and see who is beside our hospital bed.
Distractions.
For many months, tenants in a nearby block of apartments had kept neighbours, social services, police and others occupied.
Their anti-social behaviour became routine, as did the consequences.
Blue lights outside in the night.
Social workers with clipboards knocking on their door in the mornings.
It’s fair to say that this couple tied up dozens of public servants and tens of thousands of dollars in taxpayer dollars.
Their behaviour drove neighbours indoors and to disengage from their community that was now unsafe.
Meanwhile, as community support came and went up and down the apartment block stairs attending to this difficult couple - a few doors down, one of their neighbours who lived alone, quietly died.
And remained undiscovered for a month.
The result of a well-meaning society being distracted by the noisy from the common good.
Two Evils.
Be appalled, O heavens, at this;
be shocked; be utterly desolate,
says the Lord,
for my people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living water,
and dug out cisterns for themselves,
cracked cisterns
that can hold no water. - Jeremiah 2: 12-14
So often we choose not to invest time in seeking the source, and instead settle for the dregs.
No Run-Up.
‘I would also like to thank …’
‘I would just like to say …’
Why the long run up?
How about just ‘Thank you’?
‘Thank you coach, mum, dad, sis for …’
Two Choices.
If a dissenter publicly names a truth, the boss has two choices:
Accept the truth and risk throwing doubt in her judgement - by others and herself.
Silence the dissenter.
Which explains why few dissent.
Opposite Ends.
A simple way to observe how two people can see the same thing unfold and have opposite responses as to what is in the common good based on tribe membership.
Go to a child’s basketball game.
Sit at one team’s supporters’ end for the first half.
Sit at the other team’s supporters’ end of the second half.
Bad Times Two.
A bad worker doesn’t just affect the organisation by doing bad work.
They deny their position to a good worker.
The organisation suffers because of their poor work, and suffers again because a good worker would advance the organisation.
Thus - doubling their adverse effect on productivity.
Evidence of Forethought.
Things don’t go wrong because you didn’t have policies and train people in their application.
Lots of organisations have gaps in policies, no training, and nothing goes wrong.
Polices are evidence that an organisation has at least recognised the subject of the policy is relevant, and applied its mind to the decision making required in the context of the organisation to address the subject.
Hence why buying policies ‘off the shelf’ is not such a good idea.
One Question.
One of the best questions a boss or mentor can ask is:
Are you sure?
It promotes:
Reflection
Open Explanation
An opportunity for change of plan before execution
Accountability
Humility
Acceptance of Responsiblity
Ownership
The first job of a leader is to Create the Space.
Asking: ‘Are you sure?’ does this.
Be grateful if anyone in your life takes the time to ask:
Are you sure?
Trial and Error.
With Trial and Error -
Be sure to focus as much on the Trial - as on the Error.
The Biggest Threat.
The biggest threat - is being seen.
When someone looks through the tinsel and streamers and balloons and smiles and babies being kissed and hands being shaken and the speeches and back-slapping and position titles and cliches and value statements and rituals and theatre and award certificates and social media posts and investitures and post nominals and says:
I see you.
The Job of the Worker.
The job of the worker is to give the boss the benefit of their labour, decision making, knowledge, information, and opinion.
The job of the boss is to hire, support, and nurture workers who willingly give the boss the benefit of their labour, decision making, knowledge, information and opinion.
Simple.
When We Becomes They.
‘We are acting in the best interests of…’
‘We believe in transparency…’
‘We are totally committed to…’
‘We …’
‘We’ can quickly become ‘They’.
‘They did not act in the best interests of…’
‘They are not being transparent…’
‘They abandoned me.’
‘They…’.
