Leader

A good decision is one that advances you towards where you want to be.

If you turn around and someone is following you…

Hello Leader!

But

During a recent workshop I was explaining about a simple tip that my friend Liz used to remind me about that can help avoid or defuse conflict. Simply using the word 'And' instead of 'But'. It can make a huge difference to how another person hears what you say to them. 

'For example,' I explained,  'You will try to give helpful feedback to someone by saying something like 'I really think that you did an excellent job, but you need to try to finish on time'.  Yet the other person will most likely only hear everything after the 'But' and the compliment will be lost on them.

'Now hear how differently this sounds: 'I really think that you did an excellent job and you should also try to finish on time.'

'And' not 'But'.

I scanned the audience to check their understanding and everyone was nodding and smiling. Except for one very attentive elderly woman. Her face was blank and she looked confused.  So I repeated my explanation, finishing with 'So remember, it's 'And' not 'But''. She still looked worried. So I repeated it again, this time looking directly at her. 'You should try not to use the word 'But', and use 'And' instead. Her face suddenly relaxed and she nodded.

'Oh,' the very prim and proper woman said. 'You're saying 'And' not 'But'. 

'I thought that you were saying 'Hand on Butt'.

Personal

I was eavesdropping on a conversation between two men sitting just outside my peripheral vision. We were all waiting for a delayed flight departure. One was telling the other how he had asked Human Resources for leave to help his family relocate interstate where he had been posted. HR had refused, saying that it was outside their budget.

"You've seen their financial state," I heard him say to his colleague. "I've just ignored their hypocrisy in the past. But this is personal now. I shall get even. Or better-than-even. I'll just bide my time. "

I wondered how much their company had saved by denying the executive leave to help his family manage the disruption to their lives that the company had caused.  I knew as he did that the cost would never appear on any spreadsheet. There literally would be no accounting for it. There would be no information to allow the HR Department decision maker to connect their decision with its consequences on the company's bottom line. There would be no learning.

I sensed both men rise from their seats so I looked over towards them. I wanted to I see if I could tell from their appearance what their business may be, and thus how the disgruntled one could extract his revenge. 

They walked out of the café, both putting on their airline pilot caps as they went. 

Learning

John Worsfold, the former coach of the West Coast Eagles AFL team said recently: 

"We want to learn about each other in every game we play." 

What a refreshing insight. It suggests that the people who we work with aren't just a means to an end. They aren't just 'team members' who contribute to some work goal. 

They are our our teachers. 

They teach us about ourselves. 

If we play to learn.

Confidence

"He is sufficiently confident of his own abilities that he can tolerate other people with a different point of view."

- Senator Arthur Sinodinos on Prime Minister Tony Abbott

Declaration

Good decision making is choice making.

A decision is a declaration.

‘Here I am.’

‘Here’s who I am.’

‘Here’s where I’m going.’

The moment we make that decision - our declaration - we raise our heads above the parapet of our sheltering trench of anonymity.

And wait for the sound of response.

Of the crack-whizz of the incoming sniper rounds.

Or of applause.

Or worst of all - Silence.

Solitude

Emerson wrote ‘he who would inspire and lead his race must be defended from travelling with the souls of other men, from living, breathing, reading, and writing in the daily, time-worn yoke of their opinions.’

One of the burdens of leadership is the weight of others’ voices.  Opinions, statements, requests, demands, complaints, criticisms - demanding the leader’s attention.

A leader listens to others’ voices.  Reflects on them.  Measures them against reality.  Keeps her emotions in check.   

She focusses on the voices of others.

Until she decides what to do.

Only then does the leader find her voice in the solitude of her decision.  

A statement about who she is, or at least, who she wants to become.

Then perhaps the terror of looking behind to see if anyone is following.

Teacher

Flight Sergeant Tanya Fraser, CSM, represents the hundreds of cadets, sailors, soldiers, airmen and officers whose professionalism, kindness and patience have taught me and others about the privilege of leadership during my 30+ years of involvement in military organisations.

The great advantage of military service is that unless you're an airman recruit about to get off the bus on the first day of Rookies, you're almost always in charge of someone. A Corporal points an open palm at a bewildered and pimply recruit and barks 'You! Yes, YOU! Get these people into three orderly ranks. NOW!' Instant leadership practice with compliant followers and immediate 'feedback' yelled in response to every mistake.

(It's not really Leadership of course, any more than a police officer's charisma leads you to breathe into her breathalyser. But it's Leadership with its L Plates on.)

In the military, your teachers call you 'Sir'. The really good ones patiently and generously allow you to 'lead' them, when really they are shaping and educating you. Luckily for me I have been taught by some of the best.